We all try to avoid pain wither it be physical or mental. That kept our species around for many millennia. We warn our kids about dangers surrounding us, traffic, street drugs, people with a hidden agenda. We concentrate on the negatives to survive.
How do we find the good that makes living worthwhile? While walking my child to school, he saw cigar tree pods on the grass. He picked one up and cracked it open. We talked for about 30 seconds about how trees make baby trees. He gained some information and we shared.
Walking after us was a mother with her daughter. The girl reached down to pick up a pod and was told, “Don’t touch that dirty thing,” and they walked on, a disappointed kid and a harried mom. So many times a child wants to learn about the world and is told, “Don’t.”
I think most kids are natural scientists, starting as babies. While eating with a spoon, turning it over and watching its contents drop to the floor. You load up the spoon and they do it again. Are they trying to aggravate you or are they learning about gravity? Is some invisible thing pulling food down always there? Yes it is. Kids have been testing gravity for thousands of years and scientists still don’t know what it is. They can measure its effects with great precision, but with little understanding.
A different point of view can have a profound effect on our thinking.
There are fascinating things all around us and since we always see them, they are ignored. Why is our sky blue, not orange like Mar’s? What happens to all the trees and animals that die, pile up? A garbage company doesn’t remove them. So what makes them disappear? Water flushed down the toilet magically reappears in milk. Didn’t it get dirty and we are drinking it? Alternating current (AC) just goes back and forth, so how does it get anything done?
Sometimes it’s hard to see the obvious that is staring back at us.
Knowing how reality works is satisfying and gives us the power to protect ourselves from people who lie about everything especially themselves. Knowledge lowers the chances of becoming a victim. Ignorance is not bliss. It’s just a big sign telling politicians that we can’t smell the bull shit being shoveled.
We are trying to get so much done, that we often forget the pleasures. With a little work the family dinner can be enjoyed not just endured.
Don’t delay dinner. Kids are hungry and then cranky. Set some consistent rules. Never bring up bad news at dinner. Don’t ask kids “How was your day?” Ask if something funny happened today or better yet what silly thing occurred with you. Breakfast is rushed and people are apart at lunch, so a short supper is the only time the family is together, sharing food and sometimes even laughs. Just living in the same house is not sharing, but just be sleeping in separate rooms in their private motel.
Every enjoyment fades with time, even really big ones like getting am unexpected bonus at work. The bills creep in to reduce the joy. Better to appreciate the multitude of tiny daily pleasures- a beautiful sunset, catching three consecutive green lights, being complimented on your new hair style.
Talking about preparing ice cream cones at home, “who wants one, what flavor, how many scoops” results in several minutes of anticipation, enjoyment and always the drips on clothes and the floor. That’s why we need dogs.
When kids become adults, they mostly forget the arguments during a family vacation but remember the time dad fell into the swimming pool with his clothes on. It’s the insignificant things that make up the nice memories.
So linger over the enjoyable small things. It will delay work for a few seconds, but increase your happiness a bit more. I haven’t test this hypothesis, but more joy has never killed anyone.